The Universe. Some scratches of Beryllium. Diving. The Navel of the Galaxies. Maybe god. Maybe the void. Maybe you. Maybe it's just cryptical

Thursday, February 22, 2007

To Proxima: Between the Lonely and the Loneliness

Star: Proxima Centauri (Centaure Constellation)
Mood: Sad
Song: Hurt * Nine Inch Nails

Sometimes I'm lonely. Sometimes it's just plain loneliness.
Sometimes I wish I had someone.
Sometimes I wish I was just alone.

And when I'm alone, I'd like to dive in.
Have a trip. A ride. An expedition.
But since that is not always feasible, I'd have to search for the closest destination to quench, and muse upon refreshing thoughts.

I am on a crossroad. I could move forward, or I could use some arbitrary alienating road.
And I chose this torturous path towards an avalanched contentment. I could tell you what that supposedly is. But I do not know it yet. Yet the sad thing is that I am sure it exists.

When I reached half of this path, I found myself lonely.
I thought it was just plain loneliness, but yet I am lonely. I wished I had someone to accompany me, yet I feel fulfilled to be alone.

It's the closest place I could reach. Yet it still is a long way. What is there in the end? I don't know. What state of mind will I endure? I don't know.

Proxima Centauri is the closest star to the Sun, barely 4.3 light years away. It's a tiny red-dwarf, hence invisible to the naked eye. Yet even if it sounds in close proximity to us, it still remains way too far. If one seeks to reach it through the fastest manmade space shuttle, one would engage himself in an 18,000 year-ride.

That is exactly the time I need to reach an inner bliss. I am sure by that time, I would have traveled enough, and met many hypotheses for a plausible contentment.

Until that time, until I'd reach Proxima,
I'd still be lonely. Feel plain loneliness
Wish I'd be with someone.
Wish I'd remain alone.

As Trent Reznor said in the illustrious song 'Hurt'
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way



Anonymous Andromeda said...

I recognize every emotion and every sensation as if I suddenly became one eloquent writer:) but that, some time ago.. Today I sometimes feel the 'aloneness of my togetherness' with someone... as if this feeling insists on accompanying me:-l

2:40 PM, February 24, 2007  
Blogger roubish said...

Oh, I can see where this is coming from. But that is easier. If the feeling is suffocating you, you can get rid of this person, no matter how hard that can be.
However in my case, I can't get rid of my own self to fight this loneliness.
Finding someone is tougher than getting rid of him me thinks.

2:37 AM, February 25, 2007  
Blogger mayaroun said...

Hi love. My only comment to you is that I wish I was there. I wish I was one to cheer you up. But no matter how far we are, I'm always here for you. Love you lots!

6:16 AM, February 25, 2007  
Blogger roubish said...

"It said hello love, I love you so love, meet me at midnight and no, it wasn't my writingeh ..."
Thank you Yamaha!
*Prepares himself for the snowboarding session*

12:01 PM, February 25, 2007  
Anonymous andromeda said...

me agree me agree:(
a bientot

12:53 PM, February 25, 2007  
Anonymous manuch said...

hugss rabih, :) i wish the best for you.

3:30 AM, March 01, 2007  

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