The None-existent Nothing

Element: Black Holes
Mood: Nonexistent
Song: Teardrop * Massive Attack feat. Liz Frazer

What do you do when you feel nothing. No negative thoughts, no positive ones, just NOTHING. You feel this nothing.
It eats you alive. It burns your skin. It invades your thoughts. It's the total void.

I think it's much worse than being in a depression phase. Because here, you can't think of something. But still, your mind is overfunctionning with random thoughts that only feed the 'nothing' aspect you are going through.

In the realm of astronomy, black holes are super massive elements (the most super massive of the universe) that are so massive that any electromagnetic radiation cannot escape them. Therefore they suck everything that comes in their way, including light.

Come to think of a Black Hole grasping the whole energy of your own being. Aspirations, thoughts, freewill… You think you're free at times when in fact you are bound in something you cannot escape from. You know it exists but you cannot spot it.

An imaginary hole that has all the elements of being real. You think you're floating in it, when in fact, you are only stagnating.

As Liz Frazer of Cocteau Twins whispers in this Massive Attack's Teardrop:
"Gentle impulsion, shakes me makes me lighter"

There is certainly an impulsion. You know it exists, but it stabs you so hard that you even forget it is within you. And Nothingness takes care of the rest

To by-pass this cloud, I chose a new scheme for the weekend. I went to the sea on Saturday, and to the mountains on Sunday.

The Sea

Song: The Sea * Morcheeba

"Sea gulls scavenge, steal ice cream, worries vanish, within my dream

I left my soul there, down by the sea, I lost control here, living free"

The Sea is always an experience. Just the sound of waves, some light breeze, the unfadable blue… It certainly brings certain vivid emotions to you. And although emotions are not necessarily a good push to one's behavior, they definitely revive in you those downbeat ideas to you that you want to trample upon.

So the Sea pushed my limits to think about freeing myself from the cocoon I was in. The immense blue sure had an effect. This vastness eradicated this bewildered that I live in, was it just for a couple of minutes.

The Mountains

Song: Song from Half-Mountain * Dan Fogelberg

"Now the wind is still, in a moment it will be raging

Now my soul is young, in a moment it will be aging.

And high above the pines I wrote several lines

And left them in a bottle for you to find."

Contrasting with the Blue, the Green. My favorite color. I went to my native village with my Tunisian friend Sarra, in the aim of visiting. Nature has always had this automatic rush of utter positivist tantrum on my being. Just seeing the Green, all these flowers, rocks, birds…

Yesterday, Sarra and I decided to just let go and enjoy ourselves. We wandered through Nature and just felt the wind. We filled the place with seeds of laughs, even if they were temporary ones.

I thought when I would come back, they would have grown. I could take them back from Mother Nature, and learn to live with them, eventually.